Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Five Habits of Highly Ineffective Tarot Readings, Or, How To Get The Least Out of A Tarot Reading

When I first sat down to write this, I was afraid it would come across as bitter and snarky, instead of how I actually intended it- as a satirical look as to what can go wrong in a reading. This has been covered before by other readers, so I figured I’d give it my own treatment. But before we get into it, I’d like to point out that the vast majority of people I’ve encountered, read for, corresponded with and otherwise engaged, have been great. It’s been an incredible and fascinating time, and taught me many lessons, along with bringing a great many laughs and the occasional sigh. Well, here goes.
How do you get the least out of your Tarot reading? What habits can you, the client, adopt to make sure your time is put to as little use as possible, with the maximum amount of time backtracking, with maximum difficulty? There are five steps you can take to ensure that your reading consumes time and energy with no real productive ends met.
First, be sure to bring as much of a closed mind into the reading as possible. Remember, you’re here to be told what you want to hear, and what you already know. Be sure to seek validation for what you already know and have decided to do regardless. Whatever your experience level with the Tarot, you can absolutely read into it. Try to twist everything discussed into your prefabricated model of what you, the client, want to hear or have decided on already.
A closed mind can also prove effective in establishing an unbalanced, hostile and negative environment right off the bat. There are two ways to do this. First, be sure to point out how you don’t really believe this, and how you’re not convinced. You took the time out of your day and paid the fee, so why not act like it’s a waste of your time? Next, be sure to ask tons of questions. But be careful here, questions and interaction with your reader can turn a seemingly non-productive reading into an effective and dynamic dialogue with tremendous results. When you ask questions, make sure the answers fit the conclusions you have already drawn. Otherwise, simply push past them and ask a different question. Feel free to ask the same question a number of times, until you are satisfied you can bend the answer to fit the aforementioned conclusion you jumped to. Some clients like to consult multiple readers or multiple sources until they get the answer they want- this can be a fun way to take up your time and resources.
A second approach is called the Brick Wall. Does your reader have a confidentiality policy and code of ethics? (Most readers do, and will make it available upon request). Completely ignore it. Assume that this person is constantly judging you, and will record your every utterance for a good laugh with the general public later on. If the end result is that your reader feels like they are trying to hear a whisper through a brick wall, you’re on the right track. Much like an ER nurse, readers love to take time to discern just why you’re there. Remember, nurses have years of training to figure out what’s wrong with you- you shouldn’t need to point them in the right direction by providing any indication of what your ailment might be. The same thing is true of readers. Be sure to throw in passive-aggressive insinuations when the reader is thrown by your complete lack of information.  This too can help contribute to a tense, uncomfortable environment for both you and your reader. And remember, you as the client are not the expert on the life you’ve lived, and not the expert on the mind you possess. No, you the mere mortal cannot hope to attain the insight into your own life that the reader can.
"Can you hear me now?"
"No."
"OK good."

The third thing you should keep in mind is that you, as a paying customer, are always right. Don’t worry about the reader’s feelings, as before be sure to hear only what you want to hear (it is, of course, up to the reader to figure this out) and generally be as obnoxious as you want. Remember, a Tarot reader, like any psychic professional, is simply a machine that shuffles cards and spits out answers. Emotions, intuitions, the energy in the room- all these things are meaningless to a reader, and not worth your consideration as a client.

"Wow, he's so lifelike!"

Number four on our list of ways to make sure you don’t get your money’s worth is to keep in mind that you are a completely passive recipient of some impartial and often cruel Fate, Fortune, Sky God Who Doesn’t Like Me, or anything like that. While chance and luck certainly do play a role, be sure to rule out any of your own actions. Be sure to come in looking for a magic pill that will solve all of your problems in one dramatic flash and cloud of purple smoke.  Work and patience are for chumps, not for you, who will instead simply have the reader wave a magic card and wait for a solution that requires no effort on your part to appear. Remember what we said about jumping to conclusions? Here’s a great chance to put that into practice.

Finally, if you really want to take up time with as little practical result as possible, make sure to be as stand-offish as possible. Don’t provide any information to the reader. Don’t bring up any concerns you may have. Sit in a stone-faced silence that would be the envy of any Vegas poker pro. Keep any thoughts, comments or questions to yourself. Again, much like a nurse, your Tarot reader will automatically know why you’re there without you so much as having to utter a sound.

Well. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s be serious for a moment. Most, in fact all but a very few, clients I’ve encountered over the years don’t do any of the things I listed above. Most of them are insightful, interested and ask me challenging and intelligent questions. So for the vast majority of clients, here are some things you absolutely should do:
-Interrupt me and ask questions. Believe it or not, I’m not actually in love with the sound of my own voice. Your input is often interesting and helpful! The cards have pictures for a reason. Feel free to comment on what you see!
-Feel free to go back over a point you don’t feel you grasp fully, or that is not entirely clear. I’d rather take a little extra time and explain something in more detail than have you leave with unanswered questions.
-If you’d like, write down a few questions beforehand and bring them with you. If you don’t have any particular focus in a reading, or can’t formulate it, that’s fine too. The key in either case is interaction. Get into the mix, ask questions, even offer possible interpretations. You’d be surprised what comes up when you have a good rapport with your reader!
-Keep an open mind. If you find the cards leading you in a particular direction, why not go with it? There may be some new perspective to be had, or some new insight to be gained- often the value of a Tarot reading lies not in what you already know, but rather a new perspective on an existing and known matter.
-This last might be the most important- relax! We readers are not the spooky old Gypsy women you see in the movies, foretelling doom and the curse of the werewolf, or that you’ll be the one who was foretold, who would awaken the ancient evil. And if there are any issues, well, let’s sit down and look at them together. Remember, a Tarot reader is there to help, not to scare you. I can assure you of confidentiality. Anything you say and anything we discuss will be held in confidentiality. This is why you have the option to record a session- I myself don’t record them, and don’t keep records of what we discuss.

So to close, let me say again that most clients are a pleasure to work with. There are so many incredible stories out there, and each one of us has a unique and epic story to tell! Thank you to everyone who has shared their story with me, and I’m glad I could be of assistance! I hope this helps you out, and perhaps maybe even brings a smile here and there. 

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